Sometimes it feels that never again will there be a day when I have time to read. Never again will there be room for me in my life. My head, my thoughts, my long uninterrupted hours with my books...Did I really have those at some point of my life?

Yesterday I found myself from a bookstore. It's been a while because I already have enough books here at home. I really should read these ones first. But now I felt that I needed something special and I wasn't quite sure what it was. So I steped inside the store with my daughter in her stroller. Right away there came a very nice lady asking if she could help me and I said that I was looking for a book of philosophy. I don't know why I said that but after it had came out of my mouth I knew that it was right. I needed some serious Heidegger to my life. Or Sartre or whoever.

Lady said that philosophy section where upstairs and there was no elevator. However she was ready to help me to carry my stroller there. So upstairs we went. It still made me to think why they had hidden those books there. Where they so sure that no mother with a stroller would ever need her Hegel?

In the end I found myself in front of a big beautiful bookshelf that was full of interesting books. I remember that there was a very big book of Hume and something about Descartes and suddenly all the memories started to flood in. Memories from the time when I used to had time and brains. I lifted my hand to take one of the books to read it a little bit... and my baby started to cry.

She was so angry. She knew exactly what I was trying to do and she sure was going to do her best to prevent me for doing it. Her mother was so not going to have a life. Her mother was not allowed to have any single thought where she wouldn't play the leading role.

I tried to give her a pacifier. I tried to give her a toy. I tried to talk to her and hum to her and decide very quickly which books I would choose. I also tried to ignore her. No one else did. My baby was screaming and I got such a looks that I had to give up and ask the nice lady to help me and my daughter back to downstairs and out of the bookstore.

When we got out to the street my baby started to smile. There was no danger in her world anymore.