I just realised that many of my favourite books and films tell a story about little girls. "Is-slottet" ("Jäälinna") which I just wrote about, tells a tragic story about two girls. Monika Fagerholm's "Diva" ("Diiva") and "Den amerikanska flickan" ("Amerikkalainen tyttö") also tell stories about strong little girls. One of my all time favourite films Peter Jackson's "Heavenly Creatures" ("Taivaalliset olennot") tells also about two friends and their passionate and dangerous firendship.

All these and many more describe frindship between girls very strongly. When two little girls find each others and become best friends they kind of fell in love and close into their own world where no one else can come. In "Heavenly Cratures" Jackson gives us a way to sneak that world by waking their toys alive and showing us what kind of plays they really play (pretty violent ones, I can tell you...) In these books and movies frindship between two girls is always passionate and strong, kind of scary too and in many times it can have dangerous and tragic consequences. Almost every time someone has to die...

I don't know if it is like that with boys too, but I must admit that I feel these stories that tell about girls very familiar. I was that kind of little girl too, once. I didn't kill or hurt anyone but I have to admit that there were times when I did crazy things. When you are a child and everything around you is so much more powerful and so much more tragic all the time, you never know what's going to happen. There's so much magic and so many secrets in the world.

At least my world was full of adventures. Me and my best friend, we did strange things. We actually had this club (there were only two members, of course) and we had a secret club-book where we wrote about all those adventures and dangers that we had faced. One day we started to ride bikes and we decided that we would ride as long as we would get totally lost. (This was time before cell phones.) We thought that it was so interesting to get lost that we just rode and rode until we didn't know where we were. One time we just walked into someone's house and told total lies about who we were and who we were looking for. It was just so nice to see how easily people believed everything we said. We spied people, we told each others ghost stories, we created around us this fantasy world that was full of dangers and adventures. Well, no wonder I find those books familiar. I was a crazy passionate girl myself.

When Terje commented "Is-slottet" he wrote that it brings him down to think about losing that magic of childhood. I find it sad too, of course. Life is much more boring nowadays. My childhood was so full of life and enthusiasm. Where did it all went? I actually just found my old writings and drawings and I couldn't help thinking that I was much more talented as a child than nowadays. I was always doing something, always creating something, singing, dancing, writing, drawing... What do I do nowadays? Hardly anything if you compare it to those days.

But still, to be honest, it's not so bad to lose your childhood. I think it's also very nice that things are not so dramatic anymore. I don't get hurt so easily nowadays. I don't get scared so easily. I have at least a little bit perspective. And as an adult I really can do whatever I want. I do can stay up all night. I do can spend my money as I want. I don't have to wear those rain-trousers or eat mushrooms if I don't want to. (Strange thing is that I actually like mushrooms nowadays, but if I wouldn't like them, I wouldn't need to eat them.)

And then of course... As we all know, there are other secrets. There are great and beautiful adult-things that children just don't have. Like sex. I have to admit, that for me it sound actually fare to change those childhood plays to sex. Ok, I give up this magic world that I used to have because I want to have that other magic instead. I understand that I can't have everything but I'm very happy that I have got this other thing as a compensation. It's not that bad after all. I think that I wouldn't change it back even if I could.